Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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