I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Houston, we have a blender
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
