found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
