I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
dude. I can hear the air.
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