My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
