I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I stole a fireplace last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
