Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
True strength comes from lack of pants
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
