I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
