she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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