So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
