I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
