why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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