This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
