Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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