Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
