DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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