did you get engaged???
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
