she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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