im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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