I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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