they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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