My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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