R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so explain again why im purple
no
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
