No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
