I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
