I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
