Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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