Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
