he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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