your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
