if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
