I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I deserve this hangover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
