i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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