I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
