just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
