my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
