she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
