In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
