Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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