It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The Olympian is in my bed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
