hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
