apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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