he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
