If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
