you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
