I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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