Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
