I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
COCAINE IS GR8
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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