Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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