the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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