So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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