I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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