apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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