Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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