I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
