I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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