I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize