So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
