I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
