During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
