Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
