we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i think i just lost a toe
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
