Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is that strawberry winking at me??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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