remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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