I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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