well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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