it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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