You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots