My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's allergic to latex.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options