Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill