my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen