what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
