The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dicks are not precious.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
