If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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