what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So many bounce houses so little time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
