I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
