I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
