I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize