He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
