About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
